I have been suffering bad sleeps lately. Even now, under the effect of lavender aroma therapy, I still couldn't sleep.

I think maybe there are many things on my mind. I have always wrote them down somewhere so that I could sleep better. For the past 4 days, I've been suffering insomnia.

These days, I have been thinking a lot about what I want and how I can achieve them. At this stage, it's always in the middle of nowhere and I still ask for everything. I want to be comfortable, at the same time I want drive and I want to have freedom. They all clash..

I already had it planned but I don't understand why it's still bothering me somehow, taking away my dear sleep!!

Haiyooo... Z Monster, please find me soon... I need to sleep now else I'll be late for work as usual again.

I know that I wrote this a little late. It was a last week's event. Well, I have always passed by this restaurant where it's always full of people. This restaurant is named Cafe Iguana. It's just beside Brewerkz which is a restaurant and pub with a mini-brewery concept. They are located at Riverside Point. Brewerkz and Cafe Iguana belongs to the same company. By the name of Cafe Iguana itself, who the hell knows what kind of food it offers?? But most likely you have made a good guess that Iguana is linked to a place or something.

Well, here's the little mystery. Wild green iguanas are found naturally in Mexico. And so, they bank on this iguana concept for this restaurant. Little bit of iguana found everywhere, on the crew's shirt, on the menu and on the walls. Other than that, everything else is mexican.

They have a great mexican menu which I supposed could be nothing special to a Mexican, I don't know. To us, they look alien. So I made an order that is sort of Mexican curry with rice. This place is famous for their variety of Magaritas and Tequilas. Well, for my dinner, I had a mango magarita.

The food was great. They provided some chilli sauce which again looked alien to us. 2 bottles, 1 bottle that is bright green in colour (the kind that looks like chemical green) and the other is a little brownish in colour. I can only see the "XXXtra hot.." description on the brown one. Hmmmmm.. how do they taste like?

Here are some pictures which I happen to find them on the web:

The green chilli tastes good and it's great to go with the flavorful mexican food. The green colour really makes you wonder about their taste. Now, I just felt like it was the best chilli sauce. Next was the XXXtra hot one. On initial taste, it wasn't hot at all. After maybe 10 seconds, it burns your tongue! Phew.. what a dangerous sauce! I love their chilli sauces. Only on the web that I happen to find that they are made from the Habanero Chilli. It is one of the most spicy chilli of the Capsicum range. Find out more about Habaneros.

Overall, this restaurant has a great concept and great food. I love it.

It's April! Just after April Fool day. I guess April made a fool out of me yesterday. Well, today looks like a fine and bright day.

I couldn't sleep well yesterday and I could feel the sky turning bright even with my eyes closed. As the sky turns bright, I felt like the devil in me came out of my body and the cloud of questions in my head dispersed. April always sound like Apple to me. I guess because it seems to rhyme. This apple is always green in my mind. Green apple. I always anchor April to a green apple. A green apple that feels like a child.

I think I just need to remind myself of love and care. Visualize myself back to those days on why I enjoyed the companion of my loved ones. It helps. I guess keeping myself busy with a focus will prevent me on focusing on miscellenous stuff.

Thank god. For this, god, please bless me with a lottery win.

I've been having a hard time these few days. Everything all accumulates from the past. All the reasons seems to be gathering together for me to explode. Everybody from the office to my home are killing me. My blood is boiling so much that I have to shout out loud.

I dislike quarrels and I dislike controls. Nobody seems to understand that. I tried to avoid but I know it wouldn't solve the problem. The problem just grows like a tumour. So.. it's all like the calm before the storm. I didn't realise that myself until now. My mind seems to be talking to me. All the questions are clouding in my head. "Why nobody knows what I like? Why nobody understands me? Why nobody knows what I dislike? Why can't somebody do something (that I like) for me? Why am I always expected to do something and I can't expect anybody to do something for me?" Expectations, differences, restrictions and all my fulfilling illusions are getting on my nerves. It seems that these are some issues where people are able to ignore them in everyday life even if they don't like but I just can't help it not to ignore them. I believe that I have a right to enjoy my life and the same for others.

Noticed that I centered around myself in this writing, it's because I have centered around others for so long.

It's 1.19am and I couldn't go to sleep. I'm writing with tears in my eyes. I need some freedom. I need to cool myself down in order to think properly. I know that I need to find a long term solution. Can't I be happy everyday?

I wish I could vanish from the world for a while...